July 8th, 2010
Brian

Disclaimer: If 50cent, snoop dogg and Queen Elizabeth can rap about their “niggers and hoes” i can blog about my black Naruto homie.

If I didn’t had any morale I would’ve got laid so many times at the expo. At least, according to the signs a lot of cosplayers were wearing. Where you might only find a lonely, bitter and disillusioned anarchist handing out “Free hugs” at your local tourist attraction; at the expo they played the “Free” game to a much larger extend. Many girls offered themselves for free hugs, kisses and and -cover up the ears of the young kids- free sex. Now any normal person would probably laugh and not take these guys serious but we’re talking about cosplayers here. They’d fuck anything with a hole in it and you’ll be able to find countless of evidence online. Not saying there is anything wrong with it; just saying it doesn’t float my boat.

On Thursday we actually planned on going to the expo to see if we could get stuff signed and of course meet the girls. As I was the only one with a day-pass instead of the 4-day-pass i was left feeling empty and alone, walking the “gray” mile towards a whole bunch of uneconomicals. Uneconomicals is the petname I give to weeaboo who walk around with signs that offer people free hugs, kisses and sex.

Behold… the long waiting line where those who wish to enter the expo have to line up. At one point I was convinced one out of three lines actually ended up at a gas chamber but thank god I was wrong. Well… my line didn’t end there anyway. There was only one good thing about standing between anime weeaboo and that is that I actually didn’t had any trouble playing Pokemon on my phone in public. What I did have problems with however was one kid graphicly explaining the best way to cut his wrists (i.e: down the road not across the streets) and one thing amazed me in general.

It was a black fucking Naruto. That’s right, no jokes there. Out of all the cosplays I’ve seen (and I’ve seen some bad ones) this one was the worst one of all. He could’ve dressed up as Afrosamurai, a well respected and well known animecharacter. He could’ve even dressed up as someone from the Boondocks (as far as you count that as anime) and all would’ve been fine. But this dude was just wrong on so many levels. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not a racist and I despise racism: but how would you feel if you saw a white guy dressing up as Tu-pac or Martin Luther King? You’d chase him all over town telling him how wrong it is. That’s what you’d do.

One thing else that I found odd was the amount of girls dressed up as cats. Or well, trying to dress up cats really.

1. Buy cat ears at your local sex shops
2. Buy some sexy lingerie there as well
3. ????
4. YOU ARE NOW A NEKO

For fucks sake, if you go for the whole neko girl outfit make sure you wear a tail as well. *sigh* Weeaboo’s… you just have to tell them everything.

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July 5th, 2010
Brian

First of all let me begin by announcing that I’ve only met a handful of French people who weren’t complete ignorant homos with their heads and their accents stuck up their Frenchy anuses.

Now that I got that out of the way: Paris was awesome. It was really super fucking awesome. Best weekend of my life? Not too sure, but it’s surely at the top of my  “Best weekends EVAR” list. So much happened that I’m actually going to make multiple posts about all that happened in France. What can you soon expect on this blog? A quick overview:

• Nigger Narutos – My revised opinion on why white and now black people also  should not be allowed to cosplay.
• Fucking French – Except for a few, most of them are fucking dickheads. I’ll tell you why in this post.
• Street Sleeping – Because nothing says “Dedication” more than sleeping on the streets waiting for your favourite idols.
• A Convivial Concert – Dehydration has probably damaged by kidneys and my voice is gone. Was it worth it? (Hint: Yes)
• The Signing Session – Meeting the girls after 4 years of fandom. Holy shiiiiiit!
• Sexy H!O people – You think I’m the only sexy wota? Think again!

Full metal excitement from Wednesday to Saturday  without hardly any sleep. It was an amazing experience that I’m glad I didn’t miss out on. I got to tell Reina she’s my number one Idol and I got to tell Aika “suki desu”. Believe it or not but she’s actually alright in real life. Shame my love for her only lasted for a day or so!

I thought the wota inside me was gone: but it’s back again and bigger than ever!

モーニングすさまじい

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June 2nd, 2010
Brian

Oh shiiiii-. (No, not oishii you dirty weeabo!) I’m on a blogging spree! Someone stop me! No, don’t! I’m on a roll here. Today I present to you the official time measurements from the new Morning Musume single!!

But first let me say to you that I love this single. It’s such a classic tune! It could fit well under any anime series. In fact, it reminds me a bit too well of one ending in particular. It’s the only 4.000.000 episode Anime I managed to watch: Dragonball. Most probably because I have dragon balls myself. *wink* *wink*

Enough with the pervynes, on to the Dragonball theme!

Yes! I love this song! Dan dan~ whatever. I bet you don’t really care.But I know one thing you care about… the results from my trusty stopwatch and one hell of a boring PV. It beats the green screen, but it makes me sad that it’s filmed on a football field and the showroom at IKEA Japan. (Well, it looks like that anyway)

1. Takahashi Ai – 12 seconds
2. Kamei Eri – 12 seconds
3. Tanaka Reina – 11 seconds
4. Niigaki Risa – 11 seconds
5. Lin Lin – 10 seconds
6. Jun Jun – 9 seconds
7. Michishige Sayumi – 9 seconds
8. Thingy – 9 seconds.

Wow isn’t that interesting? Eri has as much screentime as Aichan! Now to complete the post a pretty graph and I’m done for the night!

Draw your conclusions and drop them in the comments! I know you want to!

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May 6th, 2010
Brian

Shave my balls and call me skippy. Morning Musume is coming to Europe. And out of every country in Europe they pick France. As we all know the French are complete and ignorant dickheads whose accents are more idiotic than the first sentence of my post.

However, for one day I shall not complain! Because Morning Musume is coming to Paris. Just exactly how awesome is that? I’d insert a picture of Riemanns Z-function here proclaiming that R is the amount of awesome. But Wordpress fails to upload images today so you’ll have to without. Apparently there will be signing sessions, a conference, and a live concert! The French described it as a “paying” concert so I’m not too sure if we’re getting money to watch the concert or have to pay to watch the concert. Also I’m not too sure about the conference part either. What do they mean by a conference. Will Reina somehow give a talk about new functions of Windows 7? Will Ai-chan give a talk on global warming? Is Jun going to demonstrate the many uses of a banana? For now there are a lot of questions that needs to be answered, but the most important question is of course: Will I go? And the answer is “Of-fucking-course I will!”

In conclusion; One awesome girl group, one awesome country, 62 million potential dickheads. Paris here I come!

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May 3rd, 2010
Brian

In my “first” post I dared to say that the new Morning Musume album is completely shit and shouldn’t have been released. Although I’ve put it slightly different, it boiled down to that. Like anyone who swears that religion is the shit I have made a completely and utterly bullshit opinion without even explaining my opinion. I’ve stated a fact that I didn’t even bother to back up by any statements at all. So in this post I look at the 10 My Me and see if I was speaking the truth; or merely bullshitting myself and me.

1. Moonlight Night ~Japanese Runes Here~

Boy oh boy. Ever since the opening of a very popular V6 song whose title I fail to remember (I think it was Honey beat?) I didn’t thought it could become any more odd. V6 their intro featured a women speaking dutch, claiming that “The number you dialed is no longer in service”. However Tsunku managed to blow my brains out by using an intro that is probably stolen from a serie on the Discovery Channel. “Electroconvulsive therapy part I”. For those who failed to pay attention at psychology lessons:  ECT is a therapy where they inject electrodes into your brain, and fire off electric charges whenever you do something that doesn’t fit acceptable behavior. Albeit effective you can imagine it’s quite controversial. Anyway, I’m trending off-topic.

What about the song? The song itself is pretty good actually. It certainly doesn’t suck and features a wide array of voices which tells me that the line distribution is more fair then what I’m used to. Surely it features the voices of Reina and a certain Takahashi Ai are present in abundance but doesn’t mean that the line distribution is unfair. Hey, was that an Eri solo?! The song itself reminds me of a cracked up version of “The Manpower”. I can imagine the girls getting down to this song on cheap liquor before they indulge themselves in Japanese club life. But that’s probably the opposite of what’s really going on. Or is it?

I wave around with my magic wand and praise this number to heaven! Partially due to the oddular intro but mostly because the song is pleasant to listen to on repeat.

Score: Brian 0 – 1 Morning Musume

2. Kimagure Princess

I could go into detail about this song, but no matter how I stretch or turn it… the voices in the beginning are horrible. The speed of the voices is NOT a good thing, even the large portions of normal singing aren’t compensating for the horrible sped up voices in the beginning. A good start is half the work, but sadly enough the other half won’t cut it either. The tune itself is alright. Nothing special, but this song could have been way, and I mean way better.

Score: Brian 1- 1 Morning Musume

3. Genki Pikappika

Well this song sure is GENKI. It’s way more genki than Genki+ anyway. Not meaning that this song is better than Genki+. Just saying that this song is more genki. Genki and euphoric! In theory my favourite mixture of emotional elements. So you’d say this is a winner in my book right?

Well I guess that in a way it is! The bridge reminds me of the Pilot Wings 64 tune a lot. And since Pilot Wings is a game I thoroughly enjoyed then this means that I enjoy this song a lot as well right!? Right?!

Who am I kidding; this song is great! It would work perfect as an ending theme for your average anime , or as a supporting song with flashbacks to your life. Preferably with a lot of shots where you’re being portrayed against a sunset that colours the sky orange. Yeah, that would totally work for me! But where… where is Koharu? It makes me sad that at songs like this she’s gone.

Score: Brian 1 – 2 Morning Musume.

4. Namidacchi

Wow, did Tsunku accidentally swap Buono! their songs with Morning Musume’s!? This song has energy! And I mean energy! It’s Dekkai Uchuu Ni ga Aru mixed with Buono influences. It’s sad and happy at the same time. It’s superb! It’s amazing! I love it! If only this song could make up for all the problems in the world. Well it can’t. It’s still good! Quite possibly the best song on the album!

Score: Brian 1 – 3 Morning Musume

5. Onna ga Medatte Naze Ikanai

Tsunku you fucker! Did you borrow inspiration from old video games when you created this album? I’m pretty sure you did! You dog! Man this song is awesome! Again another awesome single! Ever since kindergarten I was a sucker for songs that were sung in choir-like ways. The multivocal parts in this song kick major ass; and since the most part of this song is multivocal in combination with a background tune that seems to be stolen from a game like Megaman makes it extremely good. I don’t know why, but listening to the song sets me on edge.

The peaks and drops in pitch that are sung throughout the chorus makes the chorus just as interesting to listen to. I’ve never managed to find a right word for it; so unless I come up with a word or someone else comes up with it you’ll have to do with my vaguest of description.

I can’t be arsed to write the title again; but it kicks ass. Majorly!

Score: Brian 1 – 4 Morning Musume

6. Ookii Hitomi

Say this autotuned: “Man this song is autotuned”. And again it’s very energetic up-beat. Almost like a theme song fit for an anime. Where Kimagure Princess failed horrible at voice processing, Ookii Hitomi actually does a pretty good job! I’m just sad that this is the fuck-knows how many’th song that is happy, upbeat, stolen-from-a-video-game, and good to the ear. I want some variation in my album Tsunku! You dumbass!

So because Tsunku sucks at giving me the so much desired variation this one will end in a tie.

Also: I’m kind of hearing a bit too much Reina! (If that would ever be possible)

Score: Brian 1 – 4 Morning Musume

7. Ano Hi ni Modoritai

Brian asks for variation, Brian gets variation. First thought that springs to mind? A revision of Indigo Blue Love. Less sexy, but more adult. It sports a serious amount of drama in my ever so humble yet ever so important opinion. It’s easy to listen to. It can play on the background for ages without you noticing that the same song has been on repeat for 48 hours. Ai and Risa really pull of this song just nicely.

The song is plain, nothing exciting. But that also means that it’s not donkey shit!

Score: Brian 1 – 5 Morning Musume

8. Nanchatte Renai!

Nanchatte!

Score: Brian 1 – 7 Morning Musume

End of Part 1

Well I think it’s pretty obvious that I’ve pulled open my big mouth and it smelled like an aweful steaming pile of shit. I spoke before I was able to give a fair and balanced verdict. Now that I’ve actually listened to the songs I must say that I’m pleasantly surprised. Is it enough to save Morning Musume from certain medial death? I doubt it, but at least they bought themselves some years before they pull the plug!

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May 1st, 2010
Brian

Well… I guess an “Hello” is in order. So “Hello!”. You might wonder where the hell I’ve been. Or maybe you didn’t. Maybe you thought I died. Or maybe you thought I’d given up on the internets.

And I am pleased to announce that none of these things happened. My own incompetence led to a server crash. And my own lazyness led to me never restoring Wotakular. It took me 4 months to gather enough motivation to restore the website. Then another 15 minutes to actually restore the website.

So what have I been up to these last 4 months? Not much! Working, sleeping, working and enjoying the company of a lovely lovable girlfriend, and all the pros that come with one. Also on a little side note: there will be even less Reina whoring coming from me. Yes things will never be the same. Things will be better. I’ll cover all the ugly bitches that roam the j-pop scene (Yes Beckii Cruel, I mean you) and I’ll write many poetic posts about the lovely ladies which are still ever so present. My girlfriend will hate me for this, but I’m sure she’ll understand. You do, right sweetypants? The new Wotakular is not new. It will be the same as always. But with even less Reina but with more other stuff.

Since it’s quite late I can’t be arsed to write anything more than this. Besides; the current time will probably lead to me writing a poor blog post. Oh, and on a final note: I fucking HATE the new Morning Musume album.

Now for a genki song to celebrate me being back:

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November 21st, 2009
Brian

This post isn’t exactly related to Japanese pop music; so if you’re expecting a parable about the words in j-pop you can stop reading now. A lot of songs, whether they’re from 1930 or 2009, have a story in them. Some are about love, others are about food and some others are about practically nothing.

In the 70’s a great singer that goes by the name of Clarence Carter made it to the Billboard Top 100 with a song he called “Patches”. The 2nd verse tells us about Clarence his father who was obviously a very diligent farmer.

My papa was a great old man I can see him with a shovel in his hands, see Education he never had. He did wonders when the times got bad. The little money from the crops he raised barely paid the bills we made.

The other verses tell us about how his father died and how Patches became the man of the family. In the end of the song his mother died as well to make matters worse; yet Patches grows up to be a very strong and just as diligent of a man as his father was. The story behind this song is touching story about how a young boy has to take care of his family because his father dies. That same young boy becomes a man who manages to save his family by very hard.

In 1992 a not-so-similar formation called “Compton’s Most Wanted” released their song “Hood took me under”. Bob Dylan once sang how the “times they are a’changin’” and this story is a prime example. In 1992 it was Compton’s Most Wanted who “has another gang story to tell” about “how a black nigga (tautology lol?) was born in hell“.

At school slappin on the girls asses. Fuck the white education so I skip a lot of classes.  Cause ain’t no teaching a nigga white reality.  Teach me the mutherfuckin gang mentality.

Where Patches was being supported by his family, the rapper of Compton’s Most Wanted is obviously lacking parental support. And apparently it’s a good thing that the hood took him under. As he is obviously earning a living in a way that anyone would encourage. Hell, I bet Patches would be up for living like our friend from CMW (Compton’s Most Wanted). However! Don’t give up hope yet, as our friend sings in the final verse “Was it worth it I’ve always wondered.  Maybe if the hood didn’t take me under.”. Sadly enough the previous sentence he raps about how he is going to server 25-to-life for committing a murder on one of this fellow hoodigians.

Then, in 1999 a group consisting of 7 girls sang about living alone in Tokyo. However, for these 7… well let’s be honest this was Natsumi her song anyway… for this one girl it was parental support that she was lacking. Yet she keeps on living on the right side of the path that is called Justice; because she did not want to disappoint her mother. Yet she is relieved she lives on her own because now she is able to fall in love; without her mother bitching about the soon-to-be-son-in-law. And how would guess she’d be a pretty good cook as well! It’s sour, a bit spicy and a little sweet… morning curry.

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October 28th, 2009
Brian

Awesome PV, shitty song. Solution? Replace the music. Problem solved. Lo and behold. 5 classic songs who can substitute the Kimagure Princess just fine without devaluing the PV!

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October 9th, 2009
Brian

First let me say I dislike Kimagure princess. A lot. The PV is very sexy and all, but the song is horrible. Why? This is why…

This song made it into the Oricon year charts in 2007, and it’s the one thing I will never understand in my life. I despise Oshiri Kajiri Mushi because of the horrible voice track. Same reason why I hate Kimagure Princess. The song is alright, the PV is very sexy, but the voices are too fucked up. Seriously Tsunku; Why I ask you? Why.

Anyway, putting my own personal opinion aside I once again grabbed my mighty stopwatch and started watching the PV 9 times. With the sound off, obviously. And the results are as shocking as the news that Barack Obama won the Nobel prize for being black peace. Now, without further ado I present to you the scientific facts about the Kimagure Princess PV. As how it’s being shown on Dohhh-up.

Total PV time: 273 seconds

1. Takahashi Ai : 24 seconds
2. Kamei Eri: 16 seconds
3. Niigaki Risa: 15 seconds
4. Tanaka Reina 12 seconds
5. Michishige Sayumi: 12 seconds
6. Kusumi Koharu: 11 seconds
7. Jun Jun: 9 seconds
8. Lin Lin: 9 seconds
9. Mitsui Aika: 9 seconds

Amount of continuous soloshots

1. Takahashi Ai: 20 shots
2. Tanaka Reina: 11 shots
3. Niigaki Risa: 11 shots
4. Michishige Sayumi: 11 shots
5. Kushi Koharu: 10 shots (0 crack shots, as is clearly visible in the PV)
6. Mitsui Aika: 10 shots
7. Lin Lin 10 shots
8. Jun Jun: 9 shots
9. Kamei Eri: 8 shots

Thanks to a bigger budget and pirated software I can provide you with AWESOME 3d charts, rather than boring 2 charts. So please enjoy them more than before. Yes, I made a typo in the song title. Sadly enough I cannot be arsed to correct it. :-)

Now, please enjoy the PV!

I don’t want to waste too much time drawing conclusions, so I’m going to let you do that. I dislike the song a lot and I hope that Tsunku will surprise me in a different way next song. The solo times are very interesting, as there is a very clear shift visible. Tanaka Reina in 4th place when it comes down to seconds; who would’ve thought that?! (I for one didn’t)

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October 4th, 2009
Brian

It’s noon. You sit in your car listening to Buono!. Or perhaps you’re riding the train back to the place we all long for, as the sweet tunes of Ikimono Gakari are being excremented by your earbuds. Where you are doesn’t matter for the audiogasm. What matters is is what you listen to. So you’re listening to your favourite tune… suddenly you feel excited. You look around, and ask yourself what these feelings are all about. Within a split second you realize you’re listening to Perfume. The vocals kick in “kono michi wo hashiri susumi susumi susumi” and before you know it your whole body is filled with a euphoric feeling. Congratulations; you have just experienced an audiogasm. Perhaps it’s the crescendo in Vivaldi’s La primavera. Or maybe it’s the previously mentioned song.

Anyhow, seeing as this is a J-pop blog and since J-pop still the music I listen to the most I will show you parts of songs which give me an audiogasm; and I’ll try to explain for myself what causes the orgasmic relief that’s being brought forward by high pitch voices and synthesized instruments.

Buono – Minna Daisuki: Kimi ga iru kara, doruu dorou doroun.
[mp3=http://www.wotakular.com/audiogasm/minnadaisuki.mp3@]

Kimi ga rhymes with Iru Kara. Which makes it very nice for me to listen to. That, and the harmonic way of singing by Momoko is a guaranteed audiogasm.

Kusumi Koharu – Balalaika: Kono omoi wa tomarenai.
[mp3=http://www.wotakular.com/audiogasm/balalaika.mp3@]

The key part is the “to-me-re-nai”.  There is something with this word that if it’s sang at the right pitch, it sounds extremely pleasant. And gives me an euphoric feeling. Why i picked Balalaika? Fuck knows.

Morning Musume – Nanchatte Renai:  Renai wo kurikaesu. Onna no ko no kimochi.
[mp3=http://www.wotakular.com/audiogasm/nanchatterenai.mp3@]

Wow, I don’t know why but this part makes me cream my audio pants. This is Niigaki her voice at its best; and her way of singing trough the syllables of the lyrics is very rhythmic. Perhaps the almost bitter sweet tones of the melody has a huge play in why this sounds eargasmic to me.

Ikimono Gakari – HANABI: kirameite yurameite tsukami yuku yume no hana
[mp3=http://www.wotakular.com/audiogasm/hanabi.mp3@]

I know a lot of people aren’t fond of Kiyoe Yoshioka her voice, and the reason why people dislike her voice is the reason why I like her voice and why I particularly like this bit. She shows that she has an amazing voice and jumps from high tones to low tones within a single word. Add a snappy bassline and equal work from drummer-kun. Great stuff. The harmonica, albeit not as present as Kiyoe her voice, doesn’t sound out of place either. The entire song sound eargasmic to me. Don’t tell anyone though.

Yuna Ito – BREEEEEZING!!!!!: So breezing, Namiutsu heart beatin! Gokujou no party time!
[mp3=http://www.wotakular.com/audiogasm/breezin.mp3@]

The key to me liking this this bit can be found in 2 parts. The “Breezing” which sounds very harmonic, together with the “Gokujou no party time” where miss Yuna Ito lowers her tone with each syllable that passes. Very nice to the ear. Makes me almost feel euphoric.

Berryz Koubou – SEMI: otouto wa genki ni SEMI wo totte.
[mp3=http://www.wotakular.com/audiogasm/semi.mp3@]

This song is older than time itself. And the ever so young Berryz had very little singing in experience. Which is what makes so awesome to hear. It almost sounds as if they’re moaning the song. And that makes it sound as if there is so much emotion in the song. I doubt it’s done on purpose, but it makes this song really good. Especially this part.

So that’s it. These are some of the songs that make me experience acoustic relief. I’m interested what your views are about this subject. Have you ever come across a more feasible explanation on how the syllables combined with the music gives you this special feeling? Or do you wish to share your favorite part? Please do so!

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