May 31st, 2010
BrianFollowing the “Jewels from the past” series, here is yet another series on this wonderful blog of mine. This time we’ll see how you, yes you, can make yourself look less like a sad weeabo and more like a convincing dude or girl who has lived in Japan for all his life, and all that without speaking a word Japanese.
In part 1 of this series we’ll begin by how to communicate on your own blog. For this, you’ll need a couple of things!
- A photo camera;
- A blogging platform;
- An ability to disregard whatever your imagination tells you to do;
- Little silly emoticons.
Got it? Awesome! First let’s think of the things you’ve done today. For me it’s easy. I’ll sum it up!
- I woke up
- I had breakfast
- Then I went to work
- I did some work
- Went home.
- Made dinner
- Browse the internet
Now that you’ve got a list of all things you’ve done you have to remember certain conditions that applied to the events. This could be anything; maybe you bumped your knee as you rolled out of bed. Maybe you had a scary dream. Or who knows you had sex with a dirty thai whore the night before! For this How To i’ll stick to my situation:
- I woke up with a headache.
- I had cereals for breakfast. Crunchy Quaker to be precise.
- On my way to work there was no traffic jam!
- Work was very boring.
- On my way to home there was a huge traffic jam!
- I had Chicken Tonight for dinner.
- On the internet I saw a picture of a cat that looked silly
So now we have events, and conditions that apply to the events. Are you still following me?! Good! Now I hope you’ve taken a picture of at least one event, if not you’ll have to wait for tomorrow and take a picture of whatever magic happens to you.
I’ll use a picture of a traffic jam. Make sure you resize the image to pre-year 2002 standards. This means 0.3 megapixels! (640 x 480). The lower your resolution the better. If you use a higher resolution anyone will easily see trough your Japanese appearance and they will doubt your credibility! Don’t lose your Japcredz yo!
It's a trafficjam.
Okay, now we need some silly emoticons. I’ll use the gmail emoticons as they are quite good for your “Japanese” blog!
These will do for now! You don’t need more anyway. Like, ever. Save these emoticons and hang on to them until you finally realize your Japsession is going out of hand. Untill them: SAVE THEM. I can’t stress out enough how important they are. Onto the final stage: finishing our blogpost. We have thee e’cons, image, story to tell. It’s important Stick to the basic guidelines! They are:
- Use short, idiotic sentences.
- Pretend as if you care about other people
- Be overly emotional. You’re either super happy or really sad. There is no in between.
- You can never use too much emoticons. Unless you use too much. You’ll know you’ve been using too much when you’re brought to trial for inducing seizures to your readers.
- Don’t make your blogpost longer than 10 lines.
Taking these guidelines into consideration and my above advice I will present you with the a clean, and referential example on how to make a Japanese blog post.
Hello People, I am Brian~!
Today I woke up with a headache. I don’t like headaches.
Work was boring
. But I don’t mind.
I hate traffic jams
. I was in one on my way home!
For dinner I had Chicken Tonight~ It was delicious.
How was your day~~
No people, don’t be fooled by this perfectly Japanese styled blog post! I’m a 100% Caucasian male! But I bet I had you fooled! Now you too can pretend to be a Japanese dude, girl, lolli, or otaku.
Go ahead and try it out! Baffle your friends with your new found mad Japanese skills!
Tags: How To, I want to be Japanese but I'm white, Japanese blog
Categories: How to be Japanese1 Comment »
