May 30th, 2010
BrianBack in the golden days of Hello! Project (Haha! I love saying that) there used to a returning trend of the so called Shuffle units. Yes we have the occasional shuffle units now; but no longer as a returning trends. Shuffle units requires additional managers and they cost money. If they’d be able to make a profit from shuffle units they’d be able to afford mangers; sadly enough neither conditions apply. Ergo we have no more shuffle units.
However, the shuffle units did bring a lot of awesomeness in to our world. Tsunku would spin his wheel of magic, and via those results he’d select certain girls to sing together in a unit and release a single and thus rake in moar cash. Shuffle units like Salt 1337, Water 100, and Air 9001 all produced lovely singles which would release enough dopamine in your brain for you to be happy for at least 5 minuts untill the song stopped playing.
And then there was Elegies. The 2005 shuffle unit that released a whole lot more hormones than just dopamine. Elegies, or as I refer to it as the sexy unit, featured Tanaka Reina with straight hair(!), Takahashi Ai with straight hair(!), Ayumi Shibata with straight hair (!) and Ai Satoda with straight hair(!). Since straight hair is extremely sexy the unit should’ve been called Straighties. Elegies released just one single named “Inshouha Renoir no You ni”, but should’ve been turned into a super sexy idol unit that would entertain us for many years to come.
Sadly enough it didn’t and now all there is left is the super sexy song “Inshouha Renoir no You ni”, truly a jewel from the past! And it leaves us wondering where exactly the rainbow is seeping from… *wink* *wink*
Tags: Elegies, Hello! Project, Inshouha Renoir no You ni, Sexy taxi drivers
Categories: Hello! Project, Jewels from the past, Wota Worthy2 Comments »
May 25th, 2010 BrianIn this new series of posts I will look back at what Hello! Project and other j-pop groups once brought us. It’s like a history class but with Idolicious content instead of evil men with silly mustaches and swastika filled backdrops.
Who still remembers Mini Moni (ミニモニ。)? Who still listens to Strawberry pie? Who still feels his nerd weaboo rage coming up because Takahashi Ai was placed inside of Mini Moni? Well I bet none of you listen to Mini Moni and that only a few are still upset about Aichan joining. It’s been 6, and I mean SIX fucking years since Mini Moni disbanded.
And so I bring you, back from the grave it never went to, Genki Jirushi No Oomori Song. The theme song for the Mini Moni movie “The Great Cake Adventure”. The only song that featured past and present Mini Moni members at the time. The song itself was released back in 2002 and sold a whopping 50k singles. More than Morning Musume sells these days! The PV also features 4 very young girls who have all too familiar faces. Can you guess who they are?
And now to finish this poorly written blog post I shall serve to you the PV that goes with the song. Hoping it’ll bring you a big serving of cheer! \o/
Tags: Hello! Project, History, Mini Moni Categories: Hello! Project, J-pop, Jewels from the past, Wota Worthy4 Comments »
November 21st, 2009 BrianThe post below is actually a draft that I wrote many eons ago. I couldn’t find the exact date, but it’s written around April of this year! (2009)
“If it wasn’t for Reina, Mano Erina would be one of the girls I loved most of Hello! Project. In my most humble yet ever so important opinion she is one of the more under appreciated H!P artists. Mano Erina is a cobblestone that you’ll never notice unless you check out the street you’re walking on. You look at the cobblestone, and notice that it has somewhat odd angles and colour. Upon further inspection you notice that it has a certain charm. Despite the fact that on first eye it looks no different than the other cobblestones, you love this one. The boring street you always walked is no longer boring. This one cobblestone is your favourite. You see the beauty, the charm.
That is what Mano Erina is to me. I first met her at the Resonant Live tour. She was playing Lucky Aura to entertain the crowd before Morning Musume comes on stage. I was instantly mesmerized by her tunes. The girl that everyone thinks is boring, is anything but boring to me. [...]”
I never got round to finish it, but I wanted to share it with the world anyway. :-)
September 19th, 2009 BrianThe title should be self-explanatory. Kusumi Koharu is leaving Hello! project to pursue a career in modeling. Back in the days when I wished for the graduation of Koharu I told anyone that despite my hate towards her; she was, and still is, one of the more prettier girls in Hello! Project. Pretty in a way models are pretty.
I’m not shocked by the news that Koharu is going to graduate as someone was bound to graduate from Morning Musume sooner or later. But I don’t think anyone expected Koharu to graduate. Guru Guru Jump will never be the same; and we’ll never see Kirarin songs performed by ‘Kirari’ herself.
Does this suck? Yes; but what sucks even more is that ‘valuable’ artists are leaving Hello! Project. In my opinion not so much because they wish to be a model, but because Hello! Project is going downhill rapidly. With Koharu leaving Hello! Project this process hasn’t exactly slowed down. Personally; I wouldn’t be surprised if we’re going to see more prominent H!P members graduate.
Koharu, good luck with your future life. And if anyone in H!P is fit for a model it’s you.
And to end with a quote from Reina in Hello! Morning… “Koharu-chan, bye bye!“
Tags: Hello! Project, Koharu Leaving H!P, Kusumi Koharu Categories: Hello! Project, Upfront Agency & Works, Wota Worthy5 Comments »
August 13th, 2009 BrianWith the release of the new Q&A’s on the helloproject.com website, new opinions are formed about our ever so genki group of Japanese Idols. Answering 9 questions ranging from “What are your hobbies” to “What’s the best thing from your hometown?” Morning Musume gives interesting, boring, and straight out ridiculous answers.
Especially on the “What’s your motto” and “What are your favourite words” the girls manage to amaze me. In my previous post I said Aichan lost my respect due to her favourite words being “Yes, we can“. How the FUCK can that be your favourite set of words. Out of the entire English and Japanese dictionary Aichan picks 3 words that have been said by Barack Obama. How fucking cliché is that? You, Aichan, have failed me. And your motto?! Dream? Fuck off! Dreaming wont get you shit. It’s hard work and effort, your previous motto, that gets you where you are now! Maybe Ai mixed up the motto with her favourite words. It doesn’t change a thing. “Yes, we can” is not cool and never will be. Pretty much nothing those yanks created is cool. But I’ll save that for a different post… on Europe-Supremacists.com or something.
She should take an example of Jun². Jun knows how life works. Jun loves life. Jun is funny. Let’s take a look at her motto for example, shall we?
Even if it’s hard, don’t give up on your chosen path. Keep on walking, and with great effort, you’ll surely create a miracle. -Li Chun
That, ladies and gentlemen is how shit works. Her words will stick with me for a long time! JunJun for leader! It’s a great answer that is true in so many ways. Eastern wisdom at it’s best!
The one person who I’d least expect to take the psychological approach is Reina. Surprisingly enough she came up with a rather interestin motto that has relations to an anthropological question which is as ancient as Jun her wisdom.
“If you’re allowed to be yourself, you won’t do bad things to people!” – Reina Tanaka
And it’s scary how true this is! However it’s not a psychology blog so I’ll stop here. Let’s just say that Reina hits a very long nail on a very very small head. Sayu on the other hand takes the phylosophers approach.
“Never refuse a gift.” – Sayumi Michishige
Never refuse a gift. If we just look at it like this, it just seems very fitting for a girl like Sayumi. Take everything you can! But remember it’s Sayu we’re talking about here. I’ll just give in my own interpretation. “Accept things as they are“. After all, even the STD you got for shagging Asian hookers are a gift from life. Never refuse it! Accept it!
“You are yourself! Don’t compare yourself!” - Kamei Eri
Very deep Eri! Very deep. But then again, it’s very easy to say that when you’re an Idol who gets adored by many men across the globe. Never the less, more people should have a motto like Kamei Eri. It would make life a whole lot easier for a lot of people. Now, onto the more confusing one.
If you open it, close it! Where there’s hills, there’s valleys. - Niigaki Risa
If you open it… close it. I think she’s using an analogy here. If you open it, close it. Finish what you started, is what I think she’s trying to say using different words. Where there’s hills, there’s valleys can be interpreted in the way that everything has two sides to it. Or as we say in dutch “A knife cuts in two ways” I’ll not discuss Aika and Koharu their mottos. Aika her motto is stupid, and Koharu her motto is just too cracky to discuss. How silly would it be if my motto was “Brian!”. Quite silly right?
“If your heart wishes it, you can do anything.” - Qian Lin
Lin knows that the sky is the limit, and that anything is possible if you truly believe in it.
It’s clear to me: Jun² wins this one hands down. Together with her previous performances and MC’s at concerts she has created an even greater distance on the awesome line of Morning Musume. Jun is awesome, and she knows it. Reina… Koharu… Jun… you three are FUCKING awesome!
\o/
Tags: Hello! Project, Jun Jun, Morning Musume, Q&A Categories: Hello! Project, Life, Morning Musume2 Comments »
August 11th, 2009 BrianI tried to think of a witty introduction for this post, but it seemed as if I would have too much issues on the topic of love so I decided to scrap it. Instead; enjoy the images and my low-level cometary.
First, let’s go back to late 2005. Almost 4 years ago. In GAG100 we first encountered the girls in a state of being in love.
The every so lovely Risako in her younger years. Making an expression of being in love.
Now, 2009, look at her! This is what I call being in love. She's craving for busguidechan and she knows it.
Risako clearly has found love in her life. And has mastered the expression that goes with it. Although I’m not too sure if she’s making an expression of falling in love, or lust…
Miyabi seems like a person who is honest and straight forward. Yet she has hidden her love inside an envelope. Her smile reminds me of my teeth after I got punched in the mouth.
And 4 years later nothing changed. Smelling the envelope she hid her love in. Or maybe it's a letter from Busguide-sama with her used panties in there... who will tell.
Despite the fact that Miyabi has been spotted dating before. (You know damn well it was here!) she hasn’t found true love yet. How can you make an expression of a feeling you have not felt before, unlike Risako?
In GAG100 Momoko looks absolutely clueless. "I wonder what's for dinner" is what her face reads. Not "Man this sure is an awesome love letter I just wrote"
But in 2009 times changed! Momoko has the expression on her face of orgasmic relief. She's been trough it all... You're supposed to be in love with Busguide-sama! Not fantasize about hot steamy sex with her!
Momoko… no… I’ll leave it as it is.
It seems as if Chinami is sending a very funny, written joke to someone. Rather than sending a love letter.
I don't know what she's doing... it seems as if she's trying to get a good smell to further embody her love for Busguide-sama
Onto the last person.
"The reason I want to win a year's supply of Pocky is..." Maasa is quite confident about her entry for the Pocky slogan contest.
"I wonder if curry tastes good with chocolate"
\o/
Tags: Berryz Koubou, GAG100, Hello! Project, Seishun Bus Guide Categories: Berryz Koubou, Hello! Project1 Comment »
July 20th, 2009 Brian♪Nanchatte!♪
With the release of a new Morning Musume PV a new time trial arises. A moment where I grab my stopwatch and watch 8 9 lovely girls dancing to what is to be reckoned the single of the year for Morning Musume. With the PV for Nanchatte Renai (NR, in short) Tsunku is taking a few steps back from SYO and goes back 3 singles to the visual style of Resonant Blue. This time with a less blueish feeling. And for a change each girl wears an outfit in the same black bottom/white top colour-scheme . The PV of NR takes place in one of Tsunku’s many abonanded warehouses, most probably situated in the shady parts of the Tokyo docklands.
As I did with the last 2 time trials I will briefly explain the rules. The numbers I present to you are undeniable facts. They are scientifically proven and do not reflect my personal opinion. However it is safe to say how Tsunku thinks about his girls. The timing has been done in miliseconds but rounded for my convenience. My convenience does not include Reina getting more screen time. The solo shots are CONTINUOUS solo shots. So for example; if Reina would be shown smiling in one shot, and then dancing with an extremely low depth of field that pretty much shows only Reina I count that as one shot.
Total PV time: 270 seconds.
- Takahashi Ai: 34 seconds
- Tanaka Reina: 23 seconds
- Kusumi Koharu: 21 seconds
- Michishige Sayumi: 17 seconds
- Niigaki Risa: 15 seconds
- Kamei Eri: 14 seconds
- Jun Jun: 10 seconds
- Mitsui Aika: 7 seconds
- Lin Lin: 4 seconds
Amount of soloshots (Again, camera. Not crack. (With the exception of Koharu))
- Takahashi Ai: 12 shots
- Tanaka Reina: 12 shots
- Niigaki Risa: 11 shots
- Kusumi Koharu: 11 shots
- Jun Jun: 10 shots
- Michishige Sayumi: 10 shots
- Mitsui Aika: 8 shots
- Kamei Eri: 8 shots
- Lin Lin: 4 shots
Conclusion:
It is recommended to brush your teeth at least twice a day.
On a more serious note; the rankingu once again didn’t change that much. The biggest surprise is the fact that both Koharu and Sayu got more screentime than Niigaki Risa. Interesting because for the last 2 PV’s Niigaki used to be a solid in third in terms of screentime. Risa declining in popularity? I doubt it. Sayu and Koharu just happened to get more solo lines. And although Eri her voice seems rather present in NR, this doesn’t automatically translates itself to more screentime.
Morning Musume’s 40th single is a great song that falls in line perfectly with the course Tsunku is sailing with Morning Musume. A more adult, and emotional Morning Musume. Does this mean a better Morning Musume? I’ll leave that up to you.
See the previous Time trials of SYO and Nai Chau Kamo.
Tags: Hello! Project, Morning Musume, Nanchatte Renai, time trial, Undecided taxi drivers, モーニング娘。 Categories: Hello! Project, PV, Review, time trial3 Comments »
May 17th, 2009 BrianSeishun Bus Guide, with my limited English and Japanese I can freely translate this to “Busguide for the youth”. So I am. And my oh my what a bus guide it is. Today the PV has been released on Dohhhup. The rays of ligh brought forward from the PV which graced my retina left behind a feeling of almost uncomfortable joy.
The PV itself starts out pretty simple. Momoko is pretty psyched about the whole trip, whilst you can clearly see the “love at first sight” in Risako her eyes. Wait, what? Love? In a PV? This is about food right? No it’s not. We’re talking about female love here. The kind of love that is very popular on websites that contain graphic images of naked people. Who are doing stuff. With each other. Luckily such images and the nakedness that comes with it is not featured in this PV.
We follow the girls on a gastronomical ride in a bus that eventually fly’s trough space, together with a fieldtripperish happening somewhere in between the PVC outfit shots. All this whilst they’re seemingly in love with the female guide. Every single girl, who are dressed up in boys school uniforms, are shown to be affectionate towards the guide. Who is female, just for the record.In the PV itself they wear 3 different costumes which is a nice change!
Words can’t describe the completely awesomeness of the PV. So I’ll just list the focus points in a nuttshell, ending with the PV itself. After that it’s up to you to draw your conclusions. My conclusion consists of just one word. Win. Nothing more, nothing less. The PV is win.
Focus Points:
- Berryz wearing boys school uniforms
- The sexy PVC outfits
- Momoko… she… uhm… never mind
- Yurina with her big-ass Papparazi lens, that somehow returns multiple times
- The caring nature of the girls when Guide-sama falls
- Everything else that I forgot to mention because of the sheer awesomeness of the PV
Guide-sama her captivating eyes...
...captures the heart of Loliko
Where are you going with that hand, Risako?
Somehow I really like these shots.
"Oi, Miyabi! Piss off. She's mine"
Team Berryz GO!
Saki does nothing to hide her astonishment upon seeing Yurina her big, long, white telelens.
*unf*
Expirience the Berryz experience yourself;
Tags: Berryz Koubou, Hello! Project, PV, Seishun Bus Guide, Win Categories: Berryz Koubou, Hello! Project, PVNo Comments, leave yours! »
May 9th, 2009 BrianHello blog readers who are male, and over 19 years old. Do you like Hello! Project? Good! Then you’re a pedophile. That’s right. You can’t watch, hear, or read about Hello! Project without thinking the dirtiest of thoughts. You are experiencing a sexual attraction to underage girls. And all that is based on the single fact that you are male and listen to Hello! Project.
Signed, Ewoodham
Flicker user, youtube user
Intern at the Upfront Office in Tokyo
How’s that for an intro? The very first blogpost I made dates back from June 17th, 2007. Almost 2 years ago. In the post I am questioning my own morality and that of others in regards to Morning Musume. I did my best not to offend anyone. I tried my best not to step on anyone’s toes. I had very interesting discussions with people about cheering on underage idols. Enough with the self praising, continuing with the post.
Ewoodham. The Hello! Project intern. What a girl. Lost 30lbs recently! You go girl. Ewoodham, or the Intern as I will address her from now on, is an American female as far as I can tell. She loves cosplay, Japan, and Hello! Project. She’s also shallow and can’t reason outside the borders created by television and popular printed media. Further more she’s a pathological liar. She lies to achieve a goal. Honestly, if you take away the “Hello! Project” from her list I wouldn’t have even bothered to make this post. But this is personal. Because after all, I am 21 and I enjoy Hello! Project. Thus with her reasoning I’m a pedophile. Since I am not, I defend myself. With this post. (Also: I’m bored LOL)
How am I so certain about this? Why am I saying all these things? I am merely following the path laid out by the Intern her reasoning. Let’s start by reciting a caption to one of the photo’s she posted on Flickr. The one that sparked my rage.
While shopping in Harajuku that day, I saw swarms of otaku hanging around the arena. They told me it was Morning Musume, so I bought a ticket on the spot and watched the show. I had no idea what to expect, as I’d only heard the name thrown around when I was a kid
Okay. So we’re talking August 3rd, 2008 here. Roughly 7 months ago. Browsing trough her favorite’d video’s I found a lot of video’s that contained terms related to Hello! Project. On page 6 of her 10 page long list of favorites I found a video with Morning Musume in the title. Considering the profile being created in April 2007, Having 10 pages of favourites. Which means that -in a logical way- one page means 2,5 months of membership. The video is in the lowest row on page 6. So let’s say that around and about 8 months after she signed up she favorited a Morning Musume related video. Which is… before August 2008. Further more she managed to make a list of every member that attended the concert. Pretty good for someone who only heard about Morning Musume in her young ages. Yeah sure there is Wikipedia and all. But why take so much time into tagging your photo’s if you’re not interested in them anyway? It seems that she lied here to make her own image appear more innocent than what is to come. She’s trying to create a big contrast between good and evil. She continues on with lying:
To say I was shocked would be an understatement.The girls were excellent performers, and I enjoyed many of the songs and costumes, but it was basically a pedophile convention. I was really creeped out by the fans =__=;; I was the only female in the entire crowd, and the only one under 20.
Hello! Project concerts are pedophile conventions. Having been at some concerts myself I can say that she was not the female in the entire crowd, nor the only one under 20. How did she draw that conclusion anyway? Did she ask everybody for their passports? Does she has an extreme sense of guessing, no not guessing! knowing! people their age? There is no denying that the male/female ratio is not 1 to 1. Or 2 to 1. Or maybe even 3 to 1. What is certain is that it’s not 1 to 0. So she’s making herself the exception of the rule. Thus the rule is: Everybody who goes to see Hello! Project concerts is over 20 years old, male and a pedophile. That is what the Intern is saying. Nothing more, nothing less. Her boundaries of reasoning are less apart than the distance between a 1st row seat and Morning Musume. Let’s continue on for our final conclusion. For that we grab another caption from an image.
The creepy creepy male otaku who worship Morning Musume and Hello! Project. I understand the group’s appeal, but isn’t it inappropriate for these old guys to be dancing at a concert whose performers have the average age of 14/15?
Alright, the Intern shows that she understands the group’s appeal. She doesn’t go into detail but she understands why the group is appealing. However, it is inappropriate for old guys to be dancing at a concert whose performers have the average age of 14/15. Considering the youngest member of Morning Musume is 16 the average can’t be lower than that. Another lie told by the Intern to put things in a completely different perspective. Together with her previous comment she is really trying to make male Otaku look like the worst people in the world. Savages who are there to watch underage girls so they have something to masturbate on. After all, that’s what pedophiles do with their sexual needs and all. Notice that I, since I’m qouting her, am saying “male otaku”. Another exception => rule case. All male otaku are pedophiles. Thus the female otaku are not. It is perfectly fine for women to dance to genki music, performed by teenagers. But for men it’s not. She can’t explain why. But that is how things roll in her, and many other people their worlds. Men cheering on Idols, no matter their age, is wrong. Women cheering on Idols, no matter their age, is acceptable and appropriate behaviour.
Intern, Ewoodham, Woman… Have you tried to follow our own reasoning and are you seeing how shallow you are? You’re lying to achieve a very nasty goal. Which is making other people look bad. You’re not sticking to facts. You’re bending reality into a shape that fits your feminist puzzle. All male adults who like Idols are pedophiles. That’s the piece that makes your puzzle of life a bit more complete. You don’t care about the other side of the story. You don’t mind at all. But thank you, for giving me inspiration for a new blogpost.
And thank you, for remembering me again why my blogpost on the 19th of June 2007 got me to accept a new feeling. It’s not a feeling that is tinted in a sexual way. It’s the pleasure of watching cute girls. Weither they’re 14, 16, 18, 20 or 22, performing cute songs in cute costumes. I’m not lying to myself, even though I asked that to myself in June 2007. It was an unknown feeling that I couldn’t give a name to.
I love cute girls. Watching them gives me satisfaction that we all desire according to Abraham Maslow. They add something to my life.There I said it. Dancing to Sexy Boy is cool. Dancing at parties with Otaku, male or female. Being part of a group that all likes the same. We don’t discuss anything sexual. We dance to their music. We discuss how cute they are. We love and hate their personalities. We are in love with them in a way that can’t be defined by using the term love, in the way love is defined by social standards. This is wota love.
As wota, we might be the odd ones in society, but we’re not the sick people ewoodham says we are.
April 12th, 2009 BrianDisclaimer: This post is filled with hate and will leave people butthurt. Also this story is partially fictional as of today. But will become reality in the future.
UFW has partenered with Japanfiles.com to distribute Hello! Project singles in America. And America only. UFW probably thinks that because Hello! Online and JPH!P are english boards all those people must be American. Europeans speak European after all, and in the UK they speak british, which is clearly not english. British|English. Those words don’t even look alike.
I reckon that it’s for this reason that UFW is going to market Hello! Project outside of Asia; into the Americas. And now they even went as far as selling the new Hangry and Angry single to America only. Litteraly taking all the fun away! I’m predicting that the near future will be grim for those who enjoy Morning Musume for a part because they’re Japanese. What if the next Morning Musume single will be limited to America only? What if UFW is going to focus completely on the western market? It has happened with the new H&A release, so why couldn’t it happen with Morning Musume?
After a year or two UFW see’s how the American market is based on hypes, and how Morning Musume became one of them. Returning to the home-front has no more use. Our beloved girls have been forgotten about there. UFW has raped their Japanese fanbase up the ass for a bit too long. And sadly enough the Europeans have turned their backs against UFW as well, seeing as we suffered a fatal, yet less cruel fate than the Japanese wota did.
On the streets a pile of merchandise, CD’s, and posters is burning. My neighbour walks up to me and asks me how I’m doing. “I’ll manage…” I reply with a tear in my eye, thinking back about the days when it was fun to recieve a new single in the mailbox titled ’モーニング娘。’’ , rather than ‘Morning Girls’. I’ll think about the days I spend in Japan running trough various ticketvendors for the one ticket. How i desperatly tried to learn Japanese, but never found time for it. How I danced with friends to ‘Sexy Boy~’. How the concert posters I’m burning had Japanese city names on them. How I e-mailed with Japanese wota about how awesome Morning Musume is, and how disgruntled we were with their plans to conquer the west. I will think about the many engrish they used. Back when ‘Nature is good’ was something we’d love. And now we’re stuck with titles such as “Flora and Fauna are important for our ecosystem”. I’ll remember the days you had to go to Japan to see Morning Musume rather then America.When the concert DVD featured low-pitched voices in the crowd, rather then high-pitched girly voices. I’ll even think about the tracker which was shut down under pressure from Japanfiles, making it harder for us to get our hands on new singles. Images of Utaban and Hey Hey Hey will appear in my head, making me forget about Morning Musume at Jay Leno.
And when the last photobook is smoldering, when barely readable pages filled with colorfull images, now burnt around the edges, are blowing trough the streets of Rotterdam… then I will think about Reina. And how her being Yankii ment something way different.
Tags: America, Hello! Project, Morning Musume in LA Categories: Hello! Project, Life, Reina1 Comment »