July 5th, 2010
Brian

First of all let me begin by announcing that I’ve only met a handful of French people who weren’t complete ignorant homos with their heads and their accents stuck up their Frenchy anuses.

Now that I got that out of the way: Paris was awesome. It was really super fucking awesome. Best weekend of my life? Not too sure, but it’s surely at the top of my  “Best weekends EVAR” list. So much happened that I’m actually going to make multiple posts about all that happened in France. What can you soon expect on this blog? A quick overview:

• Nigger Narutos – My revised opinion on why white and now black people also  should not be allowed to cosplay.
• Fucking French – Except for a few, most of them are fucking dickheads. I’ll tell you why in this post.
• Street Sleeping – Because nothing says “Dedication” more than sleeping on the streets waiting for your favourite idols.
• A Convivial Concert – Dehydration has probably damaged by kidneys and my voice is gone. Was it worth it? (Hint: Yes)
• The Signing Session – Meeting the girls after 4 years of fandom. Holy shiiiiiit!
• Sexy H!O people – You think I’m the only sexy wota? Think again!

Full metal excitement from Wednesday to Saturday  without hardly any sleep. It was an amazing experience that I’m glad I didn’t miss out on. I got to tell Reina she’s my number one Idol and I got to tell Aika “suki desu”. Believe it or not but she’s actually alright in real life. Shame my love for her only lasted for a day or so!

I thought the wota inside me was gone: but it’s back again and bigger than ever!

モーニングすさまじい

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June 2nd, 2010
Brian

Oh shiiiii-. (No, not oishii you dirty weeabo!) I’m on a blogging spree! Someone stop me! No, don’t! I’m on a roll here. Today I present to you the official time measurements from the new Morning Musume single!!

But first let me say to you that I love this single. It’s such a classic tune! It could fit well under any anime series. In fact, it reminds me a bit too well of one ending in particular. It’s the only 4.000.000 episode Anime I managed to watch: Dragonball. Most probably because I have dragon balls myself. *wink* *wink*

Enough with the pervynes, on to the Dragonball theme!

Yes! I love this song! Dan dan~ whatever. I bet you don’t really care.But I know one thing you care about… the results from my trusty stopwatch and one hell of a boring PV. It beats the green screen, but it makes me sad that it’s filmed on a football field and the showroom at IKEA Japan. (Well, it looks like that anyway)

1. Takahashi Ai – 12 seconds
2. Kamei Eri – 12 seconds
3. Tanaka Reina – 11 seconds
4. Niigaki Risa – 11 seconds
5. Lin Lin – 10 seconds
6. Jun Jun – 9 seconds
7. Michishige Sayumi – 9 seconds
8. Thingy – 9 seconds.

Wow isn’t that interesting? Eri has as much screentime as Aichan! Now to complete the post a pretty graph and I’m done for the night!

Draw your conclusions and drop them in the comments! I know you want to!

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May 30th, 2010
Brian

Back in the golden days of Hello! Project (Haha! I love saying that) there used to a returning trend of the so called Shuffle units. Yes we have the occasional shuffle units now; but no longer as a returning trends. Shuffle units requires additional managers and they cost money. If they’d be able to make a profit from shuffle units they’d be able to afford mangers; sadly enough neither conditions apply. Ergo we have no more shuffle units.

However, the shuffle units did bring a lot of awesomeness in to our world. Tsunku would spin his wheel of magic, and via those results he’d select certain girls to sing together in a unit and release a single and thus rake in moar cash. Shuffle units like Salt 1337, Water 100, and Air 9001 all produced lovely singles which would release enough dopamine in your brain for you to be happy for at least 5 minuts untill the song stopped playing.

And then there was Elegies. The 2005 shuffle unit that released a whole lot more hormones than just dopamine. Elegies, or as I refer to it as the sexy unit, featured Tanaka Reina with straight hair(!), Takahashi Ai with straight hair(!), Ayumi Shibata with straight hair (!) and Ai Satoda with straight hair(!). Since straight hair is extremely sexy the unit should’ve been called Straighties.  Elegies released just one single named “Inshouha Renoir no You ni”, but should’ve been turned into a super sexy idol unit that would entertain us for many years to come.

Sadly enough it didn’t and now all there is left is the super sexy song “Inshouha Renoir no You ni”, truly a jewel from the past! And it leaves us wondering where exactly the rainbow is seeping from… *wink* *wink*

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May 25th, 2010
Brian

In this new series of posts I will look back at what Hello! Project and other j-pop groups once brought us. It’s like a history class but with Idolicious content instead of evil men with silly mustaches and swastika filled backdrops.

Who still remembers Mini Moni (ミニモニ。)? Who still listens to Strawberry pie? Who still feels his nerd weaboo rage coming up because Takahashi Ai was placed inside of Mini Moni? Well I bet none of you listen to Mini Moni and that only a few are still upset about Aichan joining. It’s been 6, and I mean SIX fucking years since Mini Moni disbanded.

And so I bring you, back from the grave it never went to, Genki Jirushi No Oomori Song. The theme song for the Mini Moni movie “The Great Cake Adventure”. The only song that featured past and present Mini Moni members at the time. The song itself was released back in 2002 and sold a whopping 50k singles. More than Morning Musume sells these days! The PV also features 4 very young girls who have all too familiar faces. Can you guess who they are?

And now to finish this poorly written blog post I shall serve to you the PV that goes with the song. Hoping it’ll bring you a big serving of cheer! \o/

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May 6th, 2010
Brian

Shave my balls and call me skippy. Morning Musume is coming to Europe. And out of every country in Europe they pick France. As we all know the French are complete and ignorant dickheads whose accents are more idiotic than the first sentence of my post.

However, for one day I shall not complain! Because Morning Musume is coming to Paris. Just exactly how awesome is that? I’d insert a picture of Riemanns Z-function here proclaiming that R is the amount of awesome. But Wordpress fails to upload images today so you’ll have to without. Apparently there will be signing sessions, a conference, and a live concert! The French described it as a “paying” concert so I’m not too sure if we’re getting money to watch the concert or have to pay to watch the concert. Also I’m not too sure about the conference part either. What do they mean by a conference. Will Reina somehow give a talk about new functions of Windows 7? Will Ai-chan give a talk on global warming? Is Jun going to demonstrate the many uses of a banana? For now there are a lot of questions that needs to be answered, but the most important question is of course: Will I go? And the answer is “Of-fucking-course I will!”

In conclusion; One awesome girl group, one awesome country, 62 million potential dickheads. Paris here I come!

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May 3rd, 2010
Brian

In my “first” post I dared to say that the new Morning Musume album is completely shit and shouldn’t have been released. Although I’ve put it slightly different, it boiled down to that. Like anyone who swears that religion is the shit I have made a completely and utterly bullshit opinion without even explaining my opinion. I’ve stated a fact that I didn’t even bother to back up by any statements at all. So in this post I look at the 10 My Me and see if I was speaking the truth; or merely bullshitting myself and me.

1. Moonlight Night ~Japanese Runes Here~

Boy oh boy. Ever since the opening of a very popular V6 song whose title I fail to remember (I think it was Honey beat?) I didn’t thought it could become any more odd. V6 their intro featured a women speaking dutch, claiming that “The number you dialed is no longer in service”. However Tsunku managed to blow my brains out by using an intro that is probably stolen from a serie on the Discovery Channel. “Electroconvulsive therapy part I”. For those who failed to pay attention at psychology lessons:  ECT is a therapy where they inject electrodes into your brain, and fire off electric charges whenever you do something that doesn’t fit acceptable behavior. Albeit effective you can imagine it’s quite controversial. Anyway, I’m trending off-topic.

What about the song? The song itself is pretty good actually. It certainly doesn’t suck and features a wide array of voices which tells me that the line distribution is more fair then what I’m used to. Surely it features the voices of Reina and a certain Takahashi Ai are present in abundance but doesn’t mean that the line distribution is unfair. Hey, was that an Eri solo?! The song itself reminds me of a cracked up version of “The Manpower”. I can imagine the girls getting down to this song on cheap liquor before they indulge themselves in Japanese club life. But that’s probably the opposite of what’s really going on. Or is it?

I wave around with my magic wand and praise this number to heaven! Partially due to the oddular intro but mostly because the song is pleasant to listen to on repeat.

Score: Brian 0 – 1 Morning Musume

2. Kimagure Princess

I could go into detail about this song, but no matter how I stretch or turn it… the voices in the beginning are horrible. The speed of the voices is NOT a good thing, even the large portions of normal singing aren’t compensating for the horrible sped up voices in the beginning. A good start is half the work, but sadly enough the other half won’t cut it either. The tune itself is alright. Nothing special, but this song could have been way, and I mean way better.

Score: Brian 1- 1 Morning Musume

3. Genki Pikappika

Well this song sure is GENKI. It’s way more genki than Genki+ anyway. Not meaning that this song is better than Genki+. Just saying that this song is more genki. Genki and euphoric! In theory my favourite mixture of emotional elements. So you’d say this is a winner in my book right?

Well I guess that in a way it is! The bridge reminds me of the Pilot Wings 64 tune a lot. And since Pilot Wings is a game I thoroughly enjoyed then this means that I enjoy this song a lot as well right!? Right?!

Who am I kidding; this song is great! It would work perfect as an ending theme for your average anime , or as a supporting song with flashbacks to your life. Preferably with a lot of shots where you’re being portrayed against a sunset that colours the sky orange. Yeah, that would totally work for me! But where… where is Koharu? It makes me sad that at songs like this she’s gone.

Score: Brian 1 – 2 Morning Musume.

4. Namidacchi

Wow, did Tsunku accidentally swap Buono! their songs with Morning Musume’s!? This song has energy! And I mean energy! It’s Dekkai Uchuu Ni ga Aru mixed with Buono influences. It’s sad and happy at the same time. It’s superb! It’s amazing! I love it! If only this song could make up for all the problems in the world. Well it can’t. It’s still good! Quite possibly the best song on the album!

Score: Brian 1 – 3 Morning Musume

5. Onna ga Medatte Naze Ikanai

Tsunku you fucker! Did you borrow inspiration from old video games when you created this album? I’m pretty sure you did! You dog! Man this song is awesome! Again another awesome single! Ever since kindergarten I was a sucker for songs that were sung in choir-like ways. The multivocal parts in this song kick major ass; and since the most part of this song is multivocal in combination with a background tune that seems to be stolen from a game like Megaman makes it extremely good. I don’t know why, but listening to the song sets me on edge.

The peaks and drops in pitch that are sung throughout the chorus makes the chorus just as interesting to listen to. I’ve never managed to find a right word for it; so unless I come up with a word or someone else comes up with it you’ll have to do with my vaguest of description.

I can’t be arsed to write the title again; but it kicks ass. Majorly!

Score: Brian 1 – 4 Morning Musume

6. Ookii Hitomi

Say this autotuned: “Man this song is autotuned”. And again it’s very energetic up-beat. Almost like a theme song fit for an anime. Where Kimagure Princess failed horrible at voice processing, Ookii Hitomi actually does a pretty good job! I’m just sad that this is the fuck-knows how many’th song that is happy, upbeat, stolen-from-a-video-game, and good to the ear. I want some variation in my album Tsunku! You dumbass!

So because Tsunku sucks at giving me the so much desired variation this one will end in a tie.

Also: I’m kind of hearing a bit too much Reina! (If that would ever be possible)

Score: Brian 1 – 4 Morning Musume

7. Ano Hi ni Modoritai

Brian asks for variation, Brian gets variation. First thought that springs to mind? A revision of Indigo Blue Love. Less sexy, but more adult. It sports a serious amount of drama in my ever so humble yet ever so important opinion. It’s easy to listen to. It can play on the background for ages without you noticing that the same song has been on repeat for 48 hours. Ai and Risa really pull of this song just nicely.

The song is plain, nothing exciting. But that also means that it’s not donkey shit!

Score: Brian 1 – 5 Morning Musume

8. Nanchatte Renai!

Nanchatte!

Score: Brian 1 – 7 Morning Musume

End of Part 1

Well I think it’s pretty obvious that I’ve pulled open my big mouth and it smelled like an aweful steaming pile of shit. I spoke before I was able to give a fair and balanced verdict. Now that I’ve actually listened to the songs I must say that I’m pleasantly surprised. Is it enough to save Morning Musume from certain medial death? I doubt it, but at least they bought themselves some years before they pull the plug!

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October 9th, 2009
Brian

First let me say I dislike Kimagure princess. A lot. The PV is very sexy and all, but the song is horrible. Why? This is why…

This song made it into the Oricon year charts in 2007, and it’s the one thing I will never understand in my life. I despise Oshiri Kajiri Mushi because of the horrible voice track. Same reason why I hate Kimagure Princess. The song is alright, the PV is very sexy, but the voices are too fucked up. Seriously Tsunku; Why I ask you? Why.

Anyway, putting my own personal opinion aside I once again grabbed my mighty stopwatch and started watching the PV 9 times. With the sound off, obviously. And the results are as shocking as the news that Barack Obama won the Nobel prize for being black peace. Now, without further ado I present to you the scientific facts about the Kimagure Princess PV. As how it’s being shown on Dohhh-up.

Total PV time: 273 seconds

1. Takahashi Ai : 24 seconds
2. Kamei Eri: 16 seconds
3. Niigaki Risa: 15 seconds
4. Tanaka Reina 12 seconds
5. Michishige Sayumi: 12 seconds
6. Kusumi Koharu: 11 seconds
7. Jun Jun: 9 seconds
8. Lin Lin: 9 seconds
9. Mitsui Aika: 9 seconds

Amount of continuous soloshots

1. Takahashi Ai: 20 shots
2. Tanaka Reina: 11 shots
3. Niigaki Risa: 11 shots
4. Michishige Sayumi: 11 shots
5. Kushi Koharu: 10 shots (0 crack shots, as is clearly visible in the PV)
6. Mitsui Aika: 10 shots
7. Lin Lin 10 shots
8. Jun Jun: 9 shots
9. Kamei Eri: 8 shots

Thanks to a bigger budget and pirated software I can provide you with AWESOME 3d charts, rather than boring 2 charts. So please enjoy them more than before. Yes, I made a typo in the song title. Sadly enough I cannot be arsed to correct it. :-)

Now, please enjoy the PV!

I don’t want to waste too much time drawing conclusions, so I’m going to let you do that. I dislike the song a lot and I hope that Tsunku will surprise me in a different way next song. The solo times are very interesting, as there is a very clear shift visible. Tanaka Reina in 4th place when it comes down to seconds; who would’ve thought that?! (I for one didn’t)

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September 19th, 2009
Brian

The title should be self-explanatory. Kusumi Koharu is leaving Hello! project to pursue a career in modeling. Back in the days when I wished for the graduation of Koharu I told anyone that despite my hate towards her; she was, and still is, one of the more prettier girls in Hello! Project. Pretty in a way models are pretty.

I’m not shocked by the news that Koharu is going to graduate as someone was bound to graduate from Morning Musume sooner or later. But I don’t think anyone expected Koharu to graduate. Guru Guru Jump will never be the same; and we’ll never see Kirarin songs performed by ‘Kirari’ herself.

Does this suck? Yes; but what sucks even more is that ‘valuable’ artists are leaving Hello! Project. In my opinion not so much because they wish to be a model, but because Hello! Project is going downhill rapidly. With Koharu leaving Hello! Project this process hasn’t exactly slowed down. Personally; I wouldn’t be surprised if we’re going to see more prominent H!P members graduate.

Koharu, good luck with your future life. And if anyone in H!P is fit for a model it’s you.

And to end with a quote from Reina in Hello! Morning… “Koharu-chan, bye bye!“

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September 11th, 2009
Brian

In life, one of the easiest, yet hardest for some, way to disperse emotions is the way of seeing things in a relative manner. They way of relativatism!

For example: we take two facts. My height, which is 210cm, and Yurina Kumai her height which is 176-ish. Thus, we can say that;

I am tall, and Yurina Kumai is little.

This is true, if we take into account just those two facts. However, if we take into account different facts such as the height of the lovely Takahashi Ai, which is around 150cm, we can say that;

Takahashi Ai is little. Yurina Kumai is normal. And Brian is taller.

However, since I’m not a member of  the subset of life we call Hello! Project we adhere to the following statement, since Yurina Kumai is the tallest girl in H!P, and Takahashi Ai one the smallest; (Not counting the eggs)

Takahashi Ai is small, Yurina Kuma is tall.

Height isn’t very stigmatic, so no one would care. But if we take into account different factors such as weight and appearance many people will fear that it’s time again to defend their favourite member. After all, being a fan of Sudou Maasa means that you will read comments how fat she is. If you’re a Reina fan you will read countless of posts and comments about how skinny she is. Grabbing statistics from only Hello! Project means you can draw that conclusion. When you only have Reina and Maasa to compare you can only draw the conclusion that the one is heavier and more bulkier than the other; thus that makes Maasa fat and Reina skinny.

What people need to learn is to look outside of Hello! Project before calling any Idol fat, ugly, or skinny. This doesn’t mean I wish for all discussions to disappear from the face of the earth, I just want people to realize that our Idols aren’t as “extreme” as some people make them to be. Therefor, I have come to rescue with 5 slides that should help you with relativism!

Relativism – do it, apply it, make the world a better place.

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September 2nd, 2009
Brian

My MP3 player, a device no bigger than 4 by 3 centimeters. Yet it’s my portal to a worry free world. A world where I run off to to relieve myself from stress, to arouse myself, to add pressure to myself or to simply kill time as my train brings me from A to B to C.  I hardly consciously  look for any particular song. I just browse trough my songs, and when I see a song I like at that moment I play it.

A few days ago I found out that my MP3 player has somewhat of a hidden function. It can generate a list of the 20 most played songs. You might wonder; so what? Well, I for one always figured I’d listen to Momusume the most considering the fact that I simply love them the most. However, why else make this post right?, that is anything but true. My top 20:

1. Berryz Koubou – Semi
2. Kusumi Koharu – Ramutara
3. Mano Erina – Hajimete no Keiken
4. Megurina Luka – Double Lariatto
5. Morning Musume – Resonant Blue
6. Morning Musume – Onna ni Sache are
7. Kusumi Koharu – Balalaika
8. Kusumi Koharu – Happy
9. Kusumi Koharu – Olala
10. Sayumi Michishige – It’s you
11. Berryz Koubou – Special Generation [Remix]
12. Morning Musume – Mikan
13. Mano Erina – Yowamushi Nakimushi
14. Kwak Yong Jin – Reunion Theme (Windstruck OST)
15. Morning Musume – Songs
16. Morning Musume – Take off is now
17. Morning Musume – Ame No Furanai Hoshi de wa Aisenai Darou
18. Morning Musume – Nanchatte Renai
19. Morning Musume – Guru Guru Jump
20. Buono! – Gachinkou de Ikou

What surprises me the most is the fact that Koharu has 4(!) mentions in the top 10, where as Morning Musumehas only 2. Surely, MM has more notations than Koharu, but Koharu is quite present in the top 10! Hell, she has the number two most played song. And the biggest surprise for me is SEMI on number one. I have to say I quite like the song as it’s just very awesome, but I never imagined playing it that much. I’m happy that RB is “musume-wise” on number one, considering I find that song one of, if not the best, better songs by Morning Musume. What I feel most embarrased about though… Where is Shiny G? Where is Heya To Y Shirt to Watashi? I can sing them syllable by syllable, I expected I listened to Reina her solo tracks more. Oh well, time to make a change to my listening pattern!

I recommend everybody to check out the “most played” tracks on their MP3 player, who knows you’ll discover a hidden love for C-ute, Buono! or maybe find out that you actually do love Aika her solo on P9D! If you’re surprised by the results you find, or if they confirm what you always expected be sure to share it! :)

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