August 6th, 2010
BrianAs if it wasn’t obvious enough by her style of dressing and make-up; Goto Maki’s latest single called “Eyes” has a PV pretty much stating what I stated in this title. The PV features Maki doing slutty dancing on a fluffyesque pink backdrop wearing a horrible green outfit designed to bring focus to her already large boobs.
But that’s not all, as if the dancing wasn’t horrible enough to shed her Morning Musume skin they also decided it would be a good idea to add scenes of her doing a guy on a toilet.
Do I have anything against sex in public? No. Do I have anything against making ラブラブ in a public restroom? No. But it does make you a filthy whore. :3 At least she has the decency to go to the female restroom. :3
Tags: Avex, Maki Goto, Not so innocent anymore!
Categories: Avex, Other J-pop Artists, PVNo Comments, leave yours! »
July 8th, 2010 BrianDisclaimer: If 50cent, snoop dogg and Queen Elizabeth can rap about their “niggers and hoes” i can blog about my black Naruto homie.
If I didn’t had any morale I would’ve got laid so many times at the expo. At least, according to the signs a lot of cosplayers were wearing. Where you might only find a lonely, bitter and disillusioned anarchist handing out “Free hugs” at your local tourist attraction; at the expo they played the “Free” game to a much larger extend. Many girls offered themselves for free hugs, kisses and and -cover up the ears of the young kids- free sex. Now any normal person would probably laugh and not take these guys serious but we’re talking about cosplayers here. They’d fuck anything with a hole in it and you’ll be able to find countless of evidence online. Not saying there is anything wrong with it; just saying it doesn’t float my boat.
On Thursday we actually planned on going to the expo to see if we could get stuff signed and of course meet the girls. As I was the only one with a day-pass instead of the 4-day-pass i was left feeling empty and alone, walking the “gray” mile towards a whole bunch of uneconomicals. Uneconomicals is the petname I give to weeaboo who walk around with signs that offer people free hugs, kisses and sex.
Behold… the long waiting line where those who wish to enter the expo have to line up. At one point I was convinced one out of three lines actually ended up at a gas chamber but thank god I was wrong. Well… my line didn’t end there anyway. There was only one good thing about standing between anime weeaboo and that is that I actually didn’t had any trouble playing Pokemon on my phone in public. What I did have problems with however was one kid graphicly explaining the best way to cut his wrists (i.e: down the road not across the streets) and one thing amazed me in general.
It was a black fucking Naruto. That’s right, no jokes there. Out of all the cosplays I’ve seen (and I’ve seen some bad ones) this one was the worst one of all. He could’ve dressed up as Afrosamurai, a well respected and well known animecharacter. He could’ve even dressed up as someone from the Boondocks (as far as you count that as anime) and all would’ve been fine. But this dude was just wrong on so many levels. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not a racist and I despise racism: but how would you feel if you saw a white guy dressing up as Tu-pac or Martin Luther King? You’d chase him all over town telling him how wrong it is. That’s what you’d do.
One thing else that I found odd was the amount of girls dressed up as cats. Or well, trying to dress up cats really.
- Buy cat ears at your local sex shops
- Buy some sexy lingerie there as well
- ????
- YOU ARE NOW A NEKO
For fucks sake, if you go for the whole neko girl outfit make sure you wear a tail as well. *sigh* Weeaboo’s… you just have to tell them everything.
Tags: Martin Luther is my home boy, Morning Musume, Paris, Tsunku Categories: French Foolery, Japan ExpoNo Comments, leave yours! »
July 5th, 2010 BrianFirst of all let me begin by announcing that I’ve only met a handful of French people who weren’t complete ignorant homos with their heads and their accents stuck up their Frenchy anuses.
Now that I got that out of the way: Paris was awesome. It was really super fucking awesome. Best weekend of my life? Not too sure, but it’s surely at the top of my “Best weekends EVAR” list. So much happened that I’m actually going to make multiple posts about all that happened in France. What can you soon expect on this blog? A quick overview:
- Nigger Narutos – My revised opinion on why white and now black people also should not be allowed to cosplay.
- Fucking French – Except for a few, most of them are fucking dickheads. I’ll tell you why in this post.
- Street Sleeping – Because nothing says “Dedication” more than sleeping on the streets waiting for your favourite idols.
- A Convivial Concert – Dehydration has probably damaged by kidneys and my voice is gone. Was it worth it? (Hint: Yes)
- The Signing Session – Meeting the girls after 4 years of fandom. Holy shiiiiiit!
- Sexy H!O people – You think I’m the only sexy wota? Think again!
Full metal excitement from Wednesday to Saturday without hardly any sleep. It was an amazing experience that I’m glad I didn’t miss out on. I got to tell Reina she’s my number one Idol and I got to tell Aika “suki desu”. Believe it or not but she’s actually alright in real life. Shame my love for her only lasted for a day or so!
I thought the wota inside me was gone: but it’s back again and bigger than ever!
モーニングすさまじい
Tags: France, Japan Expo, Morning Musume, Paris Categories: French Foolery, Hello! Project, Japan Expo, Upfront Agency & Works, Wota Worthy2 Comments »
June 15th, 2010 BrianFollwing up my immensely popular blogpost on why white people should not be allowed to cosplay I bring you more conclusive evidence why the homo cosplayerus should be banned from existance. Lo and behold:
If you watch this video and you’re not annoyed by it I would like you to remove wotakular.com from your bookmarks and/or blogroll and quite preferably add it to your firewall blacklist.
June 4th, 2010 BrianTitle what the fuck? I looked for a thesaurus of the word “entropy” and found “Topsy-Turviness”! I figured that would sound a lot better catchier than entropy. So what is this post about I hear you think. I’m going off-track from the daily Japanese adoration and vulgarization to spend some time looking at the poor souls and happy people that end up on this website by using search engines. And believe it or: people do!
But it’s not about the fact that people find Wotakular.com, it’s how they find it. That is why I’m dedicating another post to the inventiveness of your average internet user! Learn how they end up at this website, so you don’t have to.
Let’s go!
First search term is probably the best, “ai kago sucked some dick“. But mister searcher, why are you searching for something to which you already know the answer? You’re providing it yourself nota bene. (Latin skills yo!). Silly silly silly. Next search term I found noteworthy is “beckii cruel vs kozue aikawa“. What the hell is that all about? Isn’t it obvious that Kozue is the winner in your battle? Give me a fucking break. Did you really need to search for this? “female recordings with the expression “scary scary scary” included“… I honestly don’t know how you could possibly end up at Wotakular when you search for this; but apparently it’s possible. I feel sorry the chump though. I know how annoying it can be when you remember so much details about, lets say, a song. But you just can’t come up with the title or the artist. Very annoying. I feel sorry for you searching-for-anwer-kun. Another one are three words I’d never use in one sentence. “mano erina horrible“, what’s wrong with you man!? Mano Erina and Horrible don’t go together in one sentence unless you place “is not” in between. And I don’t see you doing that! Oh look, our scary³ friend is back. This time searching for “what interview quote “scary scary scary“. Haha, so you recalled it was an interview huh? Well I still can’t help you. But if you’re interested in pictures of J-idols I can certainly help you. Now the final search term I can be arsed to be witty about it “akbaka“. This has popped up in my search statistics recently. How is that possible? Did the world finally realize the truth about AKB48?
And now for some more search terms that lead to the swirling vortex of Japanezery®:
- Miyabi X
- Sayumi “It’s you” sex
- Tanaka Reina wins game
- Fat Maasa Sudou (Is someone making a deathlist?)
- aikawa kozue japanese dance girl awesome luka
- best anthropology musumes photo gallery
- maasa sudou fat (Definitely building a deathlist…)
- morning museme otaku
- nobel peace prize morning musume
You know a man has no inspiritation for his blog when he starts to post search engine terms… Hoohah! Time for sleep my snuggle bunnies.
June 2nd, 2010 BrianOh shiiiii-. (No, not oishii you dirty weeabo!) I’m on a blogging spree! Someone stop me! No, don’t! I’m on a roll here. Today I present to you the official time measurements from the new Morning Musume single!!
But first let me say to you that I love this single. It’s such a classic tune! It could fit well under any anime series. In fact, it reminds me a bit too well of one ending in particular. It’s the only 4.000.000 episode Anime I managed to watch: Dragonball. Most probably because I have dragon balls myself. *wink* *wink*
Enough with the pervynes, on to the Dragonball theme!
Yes! I love this song! Dan dan~ whatever. I bet you don’t really care.But I know one thing you care about… the results from my trusty stopwatch and one hell of a boring PV. It beats the green screen, but it makes me sad that it’s filmed on a football field and the showroom at IKEA Japan. (Well, it looks like that anyway)
- Takahashi Ai – 12 seconds
- Kamei Eri – 12 seconds
- Tanaka Reina – 11 seconds
- Niigaki Risa – 11 seconds
- Lin Lin – 10 seconds
- Jun Jun – 9 seconds
- Michishige Sayumi – 9 seconds
- Thingy – 9 seconds.
Wow isn’t that interesting? Eri has as much screentime as Aichan! Now to complete the post a pretty graph and I’m done for the night!
Draw your conclusions and drop them in the comments! I know you want to!
Tags: I am awesome, Morning Musume, Seishun Collection, time trial Categories: Hello! Project, J-pop, Morning Musume, Wota Worthy, time trial3 Comments »
May 31st, 2010 BrianFollowing the “Jewels from the past” series, here is yet another series on this wonderful blog of mine. This time we’ll see how you, yes you, can make yourself look less like a sad weeabo and more like a convincing dude or girl who has lived in Japan for all his life, and all that without speaking a word Japanese.
In part 1 of this series we’ll begin by how to communicate on your own blog. For this, you’ll need a couple of things!
- A photo camera;
- A blogging platform;
- An ability to disregard whatever your imagination tells you to do;
- Little silly emoticons.
Got it? Awesome! First let’s think of the things you’ve done today. For me it’s easy. I’ll sum it up!
- I woke up
- I had breakfast
- Then I went to work
- I did some work
- Went home.
- Made dinner
- Browse the internet
Now that you’ve got a list of all things you’ve done you have to remember certain conditions that applied to the events. This could be anything; maybe you bumped your knee as you rolled out of bed. Maybe you had a scary dream. Or who knows you had sex with a dirty thai whore the night before! For this How To i’ll stick to my situation:
- I woke up with a headache.
- I had cereals for breakfast. Crunchy Quaker to be precise.
- On my way to work there was no traffic jam!
- Work was very boring.
- On my way to home there was a huge traffic jam!
- I had Chicken Tonight for dinner.
- On the internet I saw a picture of a cat that looked silly
So now we have events, and conditions that apply to the events. Are you still following me?! Good! Now I hope you’ve taken a picture of at least one event, if not you’ll have to wait for tomorrow and take a picture of whatever magic happens to you.
I’ll use a picture of a traffic jam. Make sure you resize the image to pre-year 2002 standards. This means 0.3 megapixels! (640 x 480). The lower your resolution the better. If you use a higher resolution anyone will easily see trough your Japanese appearance and they will doubt your credibility! Don’t lose your Japcredz yo!
It's a trafficjam.
Okay, now we need some silly emoticons. I’ll use the gmail emoticons as they are quite good for your “Japanese” blog!
These will do for now! You don’t need more anyway. Like, ever. Save these emoticons and hang on to them until you finally realize your Japsession is going out of hand. Untill them: SAVE THEM. I can’t stress out enough how important they are. Onto the final stage: finishing our blogpost. We have thee e’cons, image, story to tell. It’s important Stick to the basic guidelines! They are:
- Use short, idiotic sentences.
- Pretend as if you care about other people
- Be overly emotional. You’re either super happy or really sad. There is no in between.
- You can never use too much emoticons. Unless you use too much. You’ll know you’ve been using too much when you’re brought to trial for inducing seizures to your readers.
- Don’t make your blogpost longer than 10 lines.
Taking these guidelines into consideration and my above advice I will present you with the a clean, and referential example on how to make a Japanese blog post.
Hello People, I am Brian~!
Today I woke up with a headache. I don’t like headaches.
Work was boring
. But I don’t mind.
I hate traffic jams
. I was in one on my way home!
For dinner I had Chicken Tonight~ It was delicious.
How was your day~~
No people, don’t be fooled by this perfectly Japanese styled blog post! I’m a 100% Caucasian male! But I bet I had you fooled! Now you too can pretend to be a Japanese dude, girl, lolli, or otaku.
Go ahead and try it out! Baffle your friends with your new found mad Japanese skills!
Tags: How To, I want to be Japanese but I'm white, Japanese blog Categories: How to be Japanese1 Comment »
May 30th, 2010 BrianMany decades ago I decided to dedicate some blog posts to the lovely dancing of that one girl called Aikawa Kozue, the humble teenager who seems to do a better job in dancing to songs than the original performers. She perfected Dakishimete² and flawlessy danced to Risonante Blue.
So what happened to this girl? Is she still alive? Has she stopped dancing? I heard she married Tsunku! Well let me begin to say that I can imagine that Kozue is doing better than ever. Kozue has been approached by a corporation who’s an expert in exploiting dancing Japanese girls called Heartfull Entertainment. However HE didn’t just approach just Kozue; they also approached 2 other girls who were known in the internets for their awesome dancing skills. Sadly enough they’re just not as awesome as Kozue.
So you have 3 girls who are more than fine at dancing and and a shady company who is keen on making money. HE did what any fool in Japan would do and pirated a copy of Auto-tune and Fruityloops and began making songs for the freshly formed group that would perform under the name of Danceroid!
Yay we are danceroid! o/
They have already performed at venues like Comiket and are most likely to stay alive untill the wotaku bubble bursts or untill the girls become too old to perv over. In the mean time you can expect them to keep on releasing DVD’s, like their first DVD called「DANCEROID」. Featuring some songs of themselves, and some songs that sound a lot like songs i’ve heard before. Their DVD includes songs like LOL – Lots of Laugh (No joke), Power of Infinity and Gravity=Reality. Yes, it does seem as if the producer never finished his physics degree.
You’ll be able to find Danceroid their DVD all over the net ready for download; or you support her by buying the DVD on whatever website you please!
Tags: 2 other girls, Aikawa Kozue, Danceroid, 愛川こずえ Categories: Aikawa Kozue, Danceroid, Wota Worthy2 Comments »
May 30th, 2010 BrianBack in the golden days of Hello! Project (Haha! I love saying that) there used to a returning trend of the so called Shuffle units. Yes we have the occasional shuffle units now; but no longer as a returning trends. Shuffle units requires additional managers and they cost money. If they’d be able to make a profit from shuffle units they’d be able to afford mangers; sadly enough neither conditions apply. Ergo we have no more shuffle units.
However, the shuffle units did bring a lot of awesomeness in to our world. Tsunku would spin his wheel of magic, and via those results he’d select certain girls to sing together in a unit and release a single and thus rake in moar cash. Shuffle units like Salt 1337, Water 100, and Air 9001 all produced lovely singles which would release enough dopamine in your brain for you to be happy for at least 5 minuts untill the song stopped playing.
And then there was Elegies. The 2005 shuffle unit that released a whole lot more hormones than just dopamine. Elegies, or as I refer to it as the sexy unit, featured Tanaka Reina with straight hair(!), Takahashi Ai with straight hair(!), Ayumi Shibata with straight hair (!) and Ai Satoda with straight hair(!). Since straight hair is extremely sexy the unit should’ve been called Straighties. Elegies released just one single named “Inshouha Renoir no You ni”, but should’ve been turned into a super sexy idol unit that would entertain us for many years to come.
Sadly enough it didn’t and now all there is left is the super sexy song “Inshouha Renoir no You ni”, truly a jewel from the past! And it leaves us wondering where exactly the rainbow is seeping from… *wink* *wink*
Tags: Elegies, Hello! Project, Inshouha Renoir no You ni, Sexy taxi drivers Categories: Hello! Project, Jewels from the past, Wota Worthy2 Comments »
May 25th, 2010 BrianIn this new series of posts I will look back at what Hello! Project and other j-pop groups once brought us. It’s like a history class but with Idolicious content instead of evil men with silly mustaches and swastika filled backdrops.
Who still remembers Mini Moni (ミニモニ。)? Who still listens to Strawberry pie? Who still feels his nerd weaboo rage coming up because Takahashi Ai was placed inside of Mini Moni? Well I bet none of you listen to Mini Moni and that only a few are still upset about Aichan joining. It’s been 6, and I mean SIX fucking years since Mini Moni disbanded.
And so I bring you, back from the grave it never went to, Genki Jirushi No Oomori Song. The theme song for the Mini Moni movie “The Great Cake Adventure”. The only song that featured past and present Mini Moni members at the time. The song itself was released back in 2002 and sold a whopping 50k singles. More than Morning Musume sells these days! The PV also features 4 very young girls who have all too familiar faces. Can you guess who they are?
And now to finish this poorly written blog post I shall serve to you the PV that goes with the song. Hoping it’ll bring you a big serving of cheer! \o/
Tags: Hello! Project, History, Mini Moni Categories: Hello! Project, J-pop, Jewels from the past, Wota Worthy4 Comments »